[Filtered from Akira]

[thestudyof]

So, apropos of nothing...

Say you're extremely concerned about the actions of someone under your care-- wanting to make sure they stay on a "steady path", and similar concerns like that. Having never really... Dealt with the scenario historically before, for how long should you be worried, for?

I still want to be able to keep an eye on this person and be responsible, but I'm not sure where the boundary should be set, when it comes to this.

Comments

[longingfreesia]

Hmm. So what I'm getting from your replies to others is that you're worried about your nephew who is under your care, and they're around the age of a young adult?

It's difficult to advise without knowing the full story, but at that age, I think the best thing to do if there is behaviour you're worried about is to talk to him about it, but not in a way where you'll make him defensive. Be encouraging, reassure him he's not in trouble and that he has your support, things like that, but try not to talk down to him or anything, he'll probably respond better if you treat him a bit more like an adult than a child.

Of course, you do need to also allow him to have the freedom a young adult needs too, but if there is behaviour that's concerning you, it's better to have a chat to him about it, so you can both understand each other on it better, rather than resorting to punishment.

I hope that helps the situation.

[thestudyof]

It does. It's just...

It's a difficult scenario, and while I wish I could be more... Blunt, about the circumstances, it's better that I pick and choose who knows the complete details about it.

I think I can at least say that what I'm concerned about isn't completely his fault or doing, but it involves him either way.

[longingfreesia]

Ah, I see. Guess that does make it seem a lot more of a complicated issue.

I really wish you luck with it though. I hope you're able to find a solution to the issue.

[thestudyof]

I hope so, too.

... if it isn't too much to ask, how did your parents handle you, growing up? What type of limits or boundaries did they set-- their relationship with you?

[longingfreesia]

Hmm, I think everyone has different approaches and limits. My dad mostly worked so I didn't see him as often, but my relationship with my mother has always been extremely close, pretty much like best friends, so she often trusted me to make sensible decisions.

That said, she did have certain boundaries. Mostly like making sure to be home by a certain time and telling her where I was going and who with, but those boundaries relaxed more as I got older, I guess to give me more of a sense of independence.

[thestudyof]

I see.

I guess I'm just a little curious. While my focus is on my nephew first and foremost, right now... I wouldn't mind the idea of children, one day in the future.

I just wonder if I'd ever be truly ready for such a thing, however. But at least gaining perspective on it helps.

[longingfreesia]

I don't think you can ever feel truly ready, but thinking about how you would do things and getting some perspective from others is a good start.

I'm not a parent myself yet either, but it's something my fiancé and I want at some point in the future.

[thestudyof]

I wish you all the best, if you do.

Still, focusing on what's in front of me first, I suppose.