Yamada, Mamoru (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
thestudyof) wrote2019-12-07 02:37 pm
thestudyof) wrote2019-12-07 02:37 pm
[A Story of Sleep]
Tossing, turning, tossing, turning.
Mamoru found it difficult to sleep anymore, sometimes. Sure, half the time he's able to get through the night. Akira's efforts to "normalize" his schedule had some positive results, so he had less days where he just stayed in his control room at LDS, working on programming or other things (ultimately dozing off at the console)-- but then there were days where he was just... restless. Like he knew consciously that he needed to rest, but his mind and body refused to actively comply with that notion.
Sometimes, it was due to dreams he had. A sensation of being out of his body. A feeling like he was drowning. A sensation of nostalgia and longing for someone, but he didn't understand who or why. A sense like he was missing something...
Usually, when it came to this, he found that opening his laptop and working on his side-project usually helped him feel better about it. He hadn't gotten too much further on the subject of the Blank Card, the damaged Number... but even the smallest step forward would put his mind at ease. Which is why he opted to do that instead of futily trying to continue to sleep, even as the light from the laptop strained his eyes a bit.
In fact, he found it better to do it when his subconscious started to call for it. Akira was starting to side-eye him whenever he started working on it during the day, anyway. He probably thought it wasn't healthy for him.
... Well, it wouldn't be wrong, exactly. He was told to not use the card in a duel. The first and last time he did, he felt a stabbing pain in his chest that had lingered for a while after that, before it vanished. He went to get examined after the incident, but the doctor couldn't tell anything wrong enough to warrant more testing... though maybe he should've insisted on it.
No, it was probably due to... whatever was the case with that Number. "White Rider". Whatever had happened to him. With those Barians. All of that.
It was probably nothing a doctor would find, anyway. He was better off not using it.
And yet...
He couldn't help himself on trying to restore the card. Maybe he felt like if he achieved it, it'd be a penance for what happened. He didn't fully understand the whole situation, but from the hints dropped and how they acted, it seemed like whatever was in that scythe "died" within him, when he was possessed.
"Died" seemed like a strange word to him for it. Can something die in another being's body? Would that have any effect? I mean, if he was any indication, then obviously that was more than possible, but...
Mamoru jumped a bit when he heard movement and a door closing outside of his room, before his mind caught up that it was probably Akira moving around. Seemed pretty early for him to be up, but probably just needing to take care of something... He still wasn't fully used to another person being here in the apartment, especially one that tried to keep his schedule in order. Sometimes he still wished he could just lock himself away for several days, but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.
Mamoru thought about it, though. It was almost the holidays again...
He closed the program for the Blank Card Reconstruction, and opened up a shopping site. Maybe he should look at some options for Akira, other than the thing he spoke with Haita about...
Eventually though, he started to doze off, before he heard another snap of a door opening and closing shut. A bit of time had gone by since the first sound, so he wondered what Akira was doing exactly, but... no, he'd probably get upset if he knew his uncle wasn't getting any sleep. It's better if he didn't know.
He cared deeply about the boy, but he wished sometimes that he could do more than be a caretaker towards his depressed relative.
He closed the laptop, realizing it was truly time to get some sleep. Even as he laid down, feeling the uneasiness around him at the prospect of another fitful night's sleep, he felt the exhaustion finally take him.
Maybe he'd be freed of these feelings soon. Eventually.
Mamoru found it difficult to sleep anymore, sometimes. Sure, half the time he's able to get through the night. Akira's efforts to "normalize" his schedule had some positive results, so he had less days where he just stayed in his control room at LDS, working on programming or other things (ultimately dozing off at the console)-- but then there were days where he was just... restless. Like he knew consciously that he needed to rest, but his mind and body refused to actively comply with that notion.
Sometimes, it was due to dreams he had. A sensation of being out of his body. A feeling like he was drowning. A sensation of nostalgia and longing for someone, but he didn't understand who or why. A sense like he was missing something...
Usually, when it came to this, he found that opening his laptop and working on his side-project usually helped him feel better about it. He hadn't gotten too much further on the subject of the Blank Card, the damaged Number... but even the smallest step forward would put his mind at ease. Which is why he opted to do that instead of futily trying to continue to sleep, even as the light from the laptop strained his eyes a bit.
In fact, he found it better to do it when his subconscious started to call for it. Akira was starting to side-eye him whenever he started working on it during the day, anyway. He probably thought it wasn't healthy for him.
... Well, it wouldn't be wrong, exactly. He was told to not use the card in a duel. The first and last time he did, he felt a stabbing pain in his chest that had lingered for a while after that, before it vanished. He went to get examined after the incident, but the doctor couldn't tell anything wrong enough to warrant more testing... though maybe he should've insisted on it.
No, it was probably due to... whatever was the case with that Number. "White Rider". Whatever had happened to him. With those Barians. All of that.
It was probably nothing a doctor would find, anyway. He was better off not using it.
And yet...
He couldn't help himself on trying to restore the card. Maybe he felt like if he achieved it, it'd be a penance for what happened. He didn't fully understand the whole situation, but from the hints dropped and how they acted, it seemed like whatever was in that scythe "died" within him, when he was possessed.
"Died" seemed like a strange word to him for it. Can something die in another being's body? Would that have any effect? I mean, if he was any indication, then obviously that was more than possible, but...
Mamoru jumped a bit when he heard movement and a door closing outside of his room, before his mind caught up that it was probably Akira moving around. Seemed pretty early for him to be up, but probably just needing to take care of something... He still wasn't fully used to another person being here in the apartment, especially one that tried to keep his schedule in order. Sometimes he still wished he could just lock himself away for several days, but that wasn't going to happen anytime soon.
Mamoru thought about it, though. It was almost the holidays again...
He closed the program for the Blank Card Reconstruction, and opened up a shopping site. Maybe he should look at some options for Akira, other than the thing he spoke with Haita about...
Eventually though, he started to doze off, before he heard another snap of a door opening and closing shut. A bit of time had gone by since the first sound, so he wondered what Akira was doing exactly, but... no, he'd probably get upset if he knew his uncle wasn't getting any sleep. It's better if he didn't know.
He cared deeply about the boy, but he wished sometimes that he could do more than be a caretaker towards his depressed relative.
He closed the laptop, realizing it was truly time to get some sleep. Even as he laid down, feeling the uneasiness around him at the prospect of another fitful night's sleep, he felt the exhaustion finally take him.
Maybe he'd be freed of these feelings soon. Eventually.